When I was a little girl, I considered my dolls to be my best friends, especially JoJo. I truly believed they had hearts that beat, and they felt feelings just like me. At night I would place JoJo and his two sisters in my bed, laying them on the pillow with blankets tucked neatly under their chins so they could breathe.
As I looked across the room and saw the other dolls and teddies, I felt sad that they didn't have a warm, soft bed to sleep in, and inevitability, I would invite them all to find a safe spot with us in my bed.
I love this compassionate quality I hold; it has served me quite well in my 58 years, especially in my career. And yet, sometimes, it has also caused me to suffer more than I needed to.
You see, I intimately know the gift, and burden, of feeling the suffering of others and am very aware of the impact it has had on my mood, energy, and overall well-being. And although suffering isn't new to us as humans, it sure feels like there has been an intense dose of it over the last couple of years.
If you are an empath, meaning that you feel your way through the world, you probably have at some point felt compassion fatigue. And, because the state of the world has provided us with plenty of opportunities to practice feeling deep, deep compassion, you may even be experiencing it now.
I have recently come to feel the burden of compassion, especially after rainy days.
It's the worms! A simple walk that generally takes me 20 minutes can stretch out to as much as an hour because I assume the responsibility of moving all the worms from the pavement back to the grass!
My dear friend calls me a worm wrangler (it takes one to know one)! I am convinced that the rain drowns them out of their wormholes onto the cement, leading them to harm's way. It sounds crazy, right?
Feeling exhausted and burdened by the worms, a month ago, it occurred to me that worms have been around much longer than I have, and most worms have somehow magically found their way back to the grass without my help!
This awareness also allowed me to consider that maybe this is God or Nature's way of helping them develop strong muscles and strength, and perhaps by making their journey easier. And with that perspective, it turns out I am compromising their capacity to build skills and strength to navigate their short lives!
And for those that don't make it back to the grass, they become easy food find for the birds so they can feed their babies! They are, after all, part of the circle of life.
So, to lessen my own suffering, I decided that my only job now is to avoid stepping on them. That's it!
Trust that nature has got this under control, and I can stop getting in the way. Stop playing GOD, Izzy!!!!
Sometimes suffering is exactly what is needed in order to open further. Without that suffering, we will never grow strong and resilient enough to survive. A lesson that I have tried to adopt, especially as a parent.
A wise friend recently reminded me that pain is part of life, and suffering is optional.
When we choose always to take on the world's pain, we diminish our capacity to care for ourselves, invite dis-ease, and lessen our capacity to be an agent for change.
The definition of compassion is "One's willingness to relieve the suffering of another."
Many of us know how to do that quite well, but do we know how to do this for ourselves? And if not, what is the cost?
Here are a few self-inquiry questions to consider when it comes to compassion:
Does your well feel empty?
Does your life feel out of balance?
Is over-giving compassion impacting your health, sleep, focus, and/or finances?
Do you feel like you have limited bandwidth or patience?
Does life ever feel helpless or hopeless?
Do you ever find even small changes overwhelming?
Are activities lately feeling less pleasurable?
Are you finding a need to isolate yourself from others?
Are you looking or using substances to numb the burdens?
These are just a few questions around compassion fatigue. If you answered YES to many of these questions, then welcome to the club.
You are not alone, and it's time to take back your life and well-being.
Stay tuned over the next couple of weeks for much more on this topic, including benefits and ways to practice self-compassion.
BTW – in a recent article, I read that worms move to the pavement so that they can breathe – which they do through their skin!