Whoever said that life should be all about suffering—was most certainly wrong!! Take it from me, some who has mastered that art and skill of suffering. What I have learned is that leaning towards suffering and sacrifice is a perfect prescription for a life of resentment, frustration, and exhaustion.
Don’t get me wrong, suffering has its payoffs too, or else we wouldn’t become addicted to it, would we? For example, I’ve learned how to throw great parties, single-handedly creating these amazing spreads fit for a king. I have never disappointed an employer, frequently receiving praise and rewards for my dedication and hard work. At 18, I obediently helped my parents fulfill their lifelong dream of opening a bakery, all the while giving up my dream of becoming an interior designer. And volunteering, my family teases me that I am the queen of offering services for FREE!
Now, I don’t regret achieving or experiencing any of these things. However, I do regret the number of years and opportunities that I missed out on JOY.
Joy, that state of being and feeling that fills and sustains our vitality and passion. Sometimes the lines have been a bit blurry for me, confused, believing that giving was more important than receiving. I think that is a great recipe for being a martyr and chronic people pleaser, on my way to being a perfectionist!
Never the less, what I have learned and discovered is that life doesn’t have to be that hard. That one could have a life that includes a wonderful balance of both. That leaning towards JOY, in fact, helps our capacity to experience more happiness, hence being more productive, patient, and purposeful.
Joy is the happiness of the soul. Joy, I have learned, is our true nature.
What that means is that we were all born joyful. Simply put, it has been our conditioning along the way that keeps us from living in that state—our higher selves.
Here is a quick quiz to determine if you too, have been conditioned to suffer:
Does leaning towards fun not come naturally?
Do you worry about disappointing others if you chose fun?
Do you ever feel guilty about having fun if someone close to you is working or suffering?
Do you ever find yourself holding back a deep belly laugh?
Do you put off enjoyment until after the “need to’s” are done?
Do you ever find yourself judging those who are enjoying life?
Do you have a hard time identifying a role model who lives(d) joyfully?
Are most of your days filled with “ought to’s” instead of “get to’s”?
Do you ever find yourself blaming others for your lack of joy?
Do you usually tend to take the hard way out when it is just as easy not to?
Here is the good news, if you answered YES to any of these questions, your life could change. With awareness and desire, you can consciously choose to make a different choice.
Because joy is our true nature, I am going to suggest that you already know how to do this. We were born to be joyful!
Recently I sent out a survey asking what you have lost and gained because of COVID-19? Not surprisingly, almost everyone claimed that they had gained much more than what they have lost. And the biggest takeaway was that all of these gains have been available to us all along. Whether it was simplicity, quiet, expression of talents and creativity, time in nature, healthier eating habits, cherished time with close family—just to name a few— they were possible even before COVID-19.
The same goes for happiness and joy.
You already know how to be happy and joyful; it is merely a choice.
This week I’m challenging you to take one of the above questions and do something different than usual. Change how you are experiencing joy.
· Have fun even it means disappointing someone.
· Create a full day of “Get To’s”
· Release judgment of someone who is experiencing fun, and instead congratulate them!
· Don’t make any excuse or justification for choosing fun.
· Take responsibility for YOUR own happiness.
· Celebrate being irresponsible!
After you make this change, be sure to take a moment and notice your joy factor and how it impacts all aspects of your life. What else changed or felt different because of this one thing?
Want to dive into cultivating more joy and happiness in your Be sure to stay tuned for my upcoming workshop on happiness—more info to come soon.