Several years ago, I woke with this nagging feeling that my life was feeling joyless. I knew how to create fun for others but had forgotten to include myself.
I had spent so many years in my adult life being such a good girl, so responsible that I had forgotten how to lean towards joy. Now, I know where I learned it from—one of the world's greatest teachers, my mother! As a child, she would tell me, "You can't go out and play until your chores are all done!"
Sound familiar?
It took me many years to realize that the chores are never done and that the fun should be prioritized.
Let me ask you...how much fun do you have? Given all things we face today, maybe it doesn't sound like a very important question, but truthfully there are many people, including me, who haven't spent nearly enough time in life having fun. Are you one of them? And if so, what is the cost?
If I peeked at your calendar for the last month or so, how much fun would I see that you have in your life? Would I see a calendar marked off with work, chores, meetings, errands, and others' caretaking? Would I see that you blocked off at least an hour or two each week, just for you? Now imagine that they added an eighth day to the weekly calendar—could and would you create a full day of fun? Or would you spend it the same way you spent the first seven days? Would you get up and clean and organize something, find someone to save, spend time worrying, and if time allowed and had the energy, squeeze a little fun in? And would your fun be going out to dinner, watching a movie or go shopping? Not that those things aren't fun (sometimes), but are you still having fun the same way you did 20 years ago?
This week, let's do a little exercise of little self-reflection and maybe a bit of homework.
I want to invite you to begin making a list of what is fun for YOU today. Yes, I know this COVID thing certainly has tampered many of the ways we used to enjoy ourselves, like going to the theatre, a live concert, or visiting a museum.
Getting together with friends and family is certainly not easy or feasible for many. Let's face it—even going out to dinner comes with a backdrop of fear and hesitation. I mean, what will we do when the weather no longer allows for outdoor seating?
When making this list, certainly include those memories of pre-COVID experiences that brought joy and fulfillment. However, perhaps you have discovered something new in the last few months—something simple, like spending time in nature, painting, or learning a musical instrument. Maybe it's writing, online Tai Chi, or even mediation that seems to fill your well. It is also important to consider the activities and experiences that no longer feel joyful. For me, shopping no longer has the joy factor that it once had, nor does entertaining others.
Once you have created your list, try expanding ideas by asking others how they have fun? That was how I discovered kayaking—my #1 way that I spend any free time lately.
What you may find is that most people aren't necessarily having fun bungee jumping off cliffs, or sailing across continents, but they are actually finding deep satisfaction in some of the simplest ways.
Once you have a healthy list of ideas, I encourage you to PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!
What do I mean by practice? It means that you experiment, that you are mindful—noticing before, during, and after— aware of the physical feelings and emotions that arise and learning what works as you go.
For example, whenever possible, I try to plan my work week around the weather to be sure to have time to kayak. I consciously set aside a few 2 hr blocks of time each week. Now, sometimes getting to the lake can be challenging because it is so easy to let things and people distract my intention. In the past, it would have been an easy excuse to change my plans. But I know once I am on the lake in my boat, it is an immediate calm that sweeps through my entire body bringing an instant smile to my face. I love the silence, nature, and warm sun on my skin. I practice deep gratitude and appreciation. The lasting benefit of this experience spills over to every area of my life. It sparks more creative juices, patience, and energy for my work and relationships.
Remember, this is a practice, not perfection, so I invite you to be aware of judgment. Just because you used to enjoy entertaining, doesn't mean you have to feel the same way today, nor does it mean that you will never enjoy it again. And just because someone in your life doesn't share the same fun doesn't mean that they are bad or wrong, nor should it mean that you should deprive yourself of that joy.
Make fun a priority in your life—I promise you won't regret it!
Stay tuned next time for the price of not having fun.