There are many events that happen in life that may seem like the worst thing ever, like a breakup or a job loss, but after time you recognize that the uncomfortable event was the very thing that propelled your life forward and led to something better.
The same can be said for the presumably good or lucky events. How often have we read about individuals who won the lottery only to end up poorer or less content than before the big win?
This week, we will explore how grasping and clinging to an outcome can contribute to personal suffering. To do this, I'd like to share a story shared by many Buddhist teachers as an opportunity to explore the perspective of what it means to experience nonattachment to the outcome.
There once was an old Zen farmer. The farmer used his horse to help work his fields and keep his farm healthy every day. But one day, the horse ran away.
All the villagers came by and said, "We're so sorry to hear this. This is such bad luck."
But the farmer responded, "Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?"
The villagers were confused but decided to ignore him. A few weeks went by, and then one afternoon, while the farmer was working outside, he looked up and saw his horse running toward him. But the horse was not alone. The horse was returning to him with a whole herd of horses. So now, the farmer had ten horses to help work his fields.
All the villagers came by to congratulate the farmer and said, "Wow! This is such good luck!"
But the farmer responded, "Good luck. Bad luck. Who knows?”
A few weeks later, the farmer's son came over to visit and help his father work on the farm. While trying to tame one of the horses, the farmer's son fell and broke his leg.
The villagers came by to commiserate and said, "How awful. This is such bad luck."
Just as he did the first time, the farmer responded, "Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?"
A month later, the farmer's son was still recovering. He couldn't walk or do any manual labor to help his father around the farm.
An army regiment came marching through town, conscripting every able-bodied young man to join them. When the regiment went to the farmer's house and saw the young boy's broken leg, they marched past and left him where he lay.
Of course, all the villagers came by and said, "Amazing! This is such good luck. You're so fortunate."
And you know the farmer's response by now…
"Good luck. Bad luck. Who knows?"
We often try to control the events of our lives by deciding what outcome would be good or bad and then working very hard to achieve one and avoid the other.
We can even define the quality of our life measured by or according to how "our plan" worked out. Then labeling ourselves as lucky or unlucky, blaming others, and holding on to grudges if things don't turn out as desired or imagined.
But as the story of the Zen farmer shows us, we don't always know whether an event will ultimately prove to be "good" or "bad."
Consider where this is true in your own life...
What would it be like to go through life like the farmer?
Experimenting with the perspective of "Good luck. Bad luck. Who knows?" allows for a deep sense of equanimity. In mindfulness traditions, this is considered to be one of the highest forms of happiness we can experience because we're not constantly fighting our moments or attached to the outcome.
Equanimity means we look at life with calmness and an even temper, even in difficult situations.
This doesn't mean we become numb to the real difficulties in our personal or collective lives. And it certainly doesn't mean that we rationalize and passively accept injustice in the hopes that one day it'll lead to a good outcome.
But when we learn to stop grasping at life's moments to coerce them into becoming only exactly what we want, we experience a greater fluidity and ease, which supports whatever action we choose to take.
This week, I invite you to set the intention that you will take the perspective of the farmer as much as possible.
If a challenging event occurs and you find yourself gripping in frustration, take a few deep breaths and repeat, "Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?".
And similarly, if something exciting happens and you find yourself wanting to cling to that feeling, almost as if you're scared of losing the good experience, repeat to yourself, "Good luck. Bad luck. Who knows?".
Notice what happens.