Let's talk about our EGOs, shall we?
Noticing our EGO has been a hot topic lately in my coaching sessions.
Now the EGO often gets a bad rap, deservingly so at times. But can the EGO also have a positive role in our lives? Can you spot your ego when it is present? And, is it possible to release and let go of this thing called EGO?
Let's begin with the definition of EGO. Some may describe it as the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.
Some of my favorite, simpler ways to describe the EGO may be; Everything Good on the Outside or Edging God Out.
I have come to understand that the EGO is a representation of our wounded selves. It is the part of us that desperately wants to be correct, to compete, and to prove others wrong or bad. It wants attention and imposes shame, guilt, and regret on the self and others.
The EGO loves being in control and craves perfection, attention, and dominance. Most of all, the EGO cannot stand when it's ignored!
When it is ignored, it will find its way to the surface and become the driver's seat of our life.
It can be pervasive, toxic and a guaranteed JOY kill.
So why would anyone want or need an EGO? Because the EGO can also help us get things done. Achieve, influence, and face the scariest parts of life.
One of my favorite examples is Johnny Carson. One of the greatest Tonight Show hosts ever.
Johnny knew early on in his life that he loved entertainment and his passion for magic. He spent many years practicing and perfecting his magician skills. Fast forward to his life, he lands the Tonight Show host. He considered this to be one of his greatest accomplishments and achievements.
It is said that one of the first people he called was his mother. "Mom, did you hear I have been named the Tonight Show host."
She responds, "Yeah, so what? That's not a big deal!" Mom, did you hear my monologue last night? The audience was roaring," Again, she responds, "It wasn't that funny!"
Johnny spent his entire life trying to get his mother's approval. Johnny's greatest regret was never hearing how proud she was of him.
Perhaps one would say that this deep wound, looking for his mother's approval, drove Johnny to the success he had, and this same wound contributed to his many failed marriages. Sadly, it is said that Johnny died all alone, disconnected from everyone, including his children.
Yes, this is the human condition. What pains us can force us to seek resolve, healing, and contentment in sometimes productive and self-destructive ways.
We become the people pleasers, overachievers, and smarty pants. It drives us to fight for justice, search for a cure for cancer, and create non-profits.
These same wounds can sabotage good relationships, spend money we don't have, and at the same time helps us to be the kind of parent our own parents were never able to be.
The duplicity of the EGO.
So you might ask, how do you get rid of the EGO? You don't.
Instead, consider taming the EGO.
The best way to do so is to simply notice when your EGO is present. You will know it is alive and well when you find you're judging yourself and others.
When you find yourself using words like "should" and "shouldn't," or being completely attached to the outcome or holding on to something even if it feels suffocating or like suffering.
World-renowned mindfulness teacher Eckhart Tolle says that as soon you notice the EGO, it is no longer EGO. It is the power of awareness that sets the EGO free and makes room for the soul to be present.
Can you recall someone in your life that demonstrates and practices living with this EGO consciousness? If so, how would you describe being in the presence of that person?
Notice I didn't say someone who lives without an EGO.
If you are human, there is a good chance that may ever happen, but with awareness and conscious attention, I promise you can live and thrive when you become aware and befriend your EGO. I know that for me, it has most definitely been the root of helping me find more inner freedom and peace.
I would love to help you explore this fascinating topic. Feel free to reach out by visiting my contact page at www.izzylenihan.com/contact
Love and Light